The Gift
by periwinkle.love
Summary: "There are moments in life when you begin to realize you're losing yourself. Today you realized that to her, you're just a name on a screen, a date gone by, a number in her black book, and arms she'll never return to." Brittany has to win her back.


Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. I do not own the book "And Tango makes Three"

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><p>There are moments in life when you begin to realize you're losing yourself. Today you realized that to her, you're just a name on a screen, a date gone by, a number in her black book, and arms she'll never return to. It made you wonder how in all this, you could ever be hers, proudly so. What she'll never understand is that deep within you, you were always hers, proudly so. 'You are but her past Brittany', you remind yourself quietly as you watch the wind blow against your window and the rain pitter-patter down its pane.<p>

It was the middle of summer and there was a storm wrecking havoc outside the comfort of your home. Only how could you refer to home as comforting when it had everything but her in it. Santana was having an adventure and you were stuck here in Lima until school started in the fall. All you had left to remind of you of San's presence were her lengthy emails and that scent that was without a doubt, Santana's sweet perfume lingering in your room. She hasn't been in your room for a while. Things were just splitting apart and you couldn't understand why. Santana had always been your best friend, ever since you linked pinkies in Kindergarten. That was a lie. You knew why things weren't the way they used to be. You couldn't admit it though.

Why would you want to admit it? It was you who insisted on talking about feelings and what you meant to each other. You were curious. Had she felt the spark in each kiss like you did? Were there fireworks going off in her mind just like in yours? And could you ever tell her that no boy and no kiss had ever made her feel the way she did when you melted in her mouth, and your bodies molded perfectly and she held you like there was no forever? You needed to know. Nay. You deserved to know. Why? Because you told yourself you had feelings for a boy. Artie. You had a boyfriend and yet you felt this way about your best friend? What was worse? Was it the fact that not only would you always have these feelings for Santana but also that you continued to share sweet lady kisses behind Artie's back or was it knowing that Artie could never make you feel a tenth of the emotions you had for Santana?

She sang for you. When have you ever seen her get up before the whole Glee club and sing her heart out for anybody? Her voice was beautiful just like everything else about her. It was undeniable. Your feelings were undeniable because you knew in that moment, as you sang along with her, as you listened to the words that Ms. Holiday sang, that she felt the same. She loved you too. She knew how you felt. You could tell because Santana knows everything about you. You can never hide anything from her. That day, you two weren't the only ones who figured out your feelings. Artie knew too. He knew how you felt about her since he told you later that night. You argued for hours on end as he insisted that you loved another girl yet you had the nerve to stay with him. Some part in you wanted to deny it but you couldn't. You were just so sick of denying how you felt about her.

"You don't give anyone else a chance. It's always her. It's always Santana. When are you going to open your hear to someone else Brittany?" I looked at him. Speechless and with nothing to say, I just stared.

"Stay with me. Let me show you I can love you like she can," he pleaded. You cried because you nodded and you said you'd let him try.

The next day your eyes were exhausted from the tears and your throat was burning from screaming but you went to school because you wanted to see her. You needed to see if there was anything else she wanted to say. It was nearly the end of the day and you were about ready to give up when she came up to your locker. She had been crying too. Every ounce of your body wanted to hold her in your arms but you knew she didn't want that. Not in front of everyone else. She told you she loved you. She wanted you. You of all people! It was never Finn, Sam, Puck. No Brittany. You just had to open up your eyes. She wanted you.

"I want to be with you." You looked her in the eyes. There was something different about her today. She was vulnerable and weak because she was confessing something she had been denying for so long. Looking back on things, you just wanted to hit yourself for what you said next.

"Please say you love me back. Please." Her words were pleading and her eyes screamed, 'I need you.' There had never been a moment in your life in which you saw the amount of sincerity in her eyes as you did then. How could you deny her of that simple request? It was true. You loved her too. Your heart broke and you dropped hers too when you told her that you would be if it weren't for Artie. How stupid you had felt to make that promise last night. You would always know that Artie could never love you the way Santana loved you.

"He's just a stupid boy!" she had whimpered. How true it was. You wouldn't know until later but he was just like anyone else. Artie would have never met up to the expectations and the bar that Santana had set in your heart. Months later and you would still wonder to yourself why you had picked him that day instead of running into her arms.

"Santana. You have to know. If Artie and I were to ever break up and I'm lucky enough that you're still single, I'm so yours. Proudly so" you had claimed as she pushed you away. Bits of you were breaking because you knew in that moment that things would never be the same.

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><p>Of course you were right. Months later and here you were, lounging around your room with no one but Lord Tubbington and your thoughts. Things hadn't been the same. You wanted to believe that things wouldn't change. You had left Artie after he had called you the one thing you believed he would never say. Yet where was Santana in this picture? In your dreams and in the scenarios you so often created in your head, you were together again. You were full of love and forever. However things did not work out like that. As Santana had told you so many times before, dreams are like fairytales. Most times if not always, they never come true…<p>

There was something about losing Santana that broke you and made you into a train wreck. It was even worse when she said she was slowly starting to forget. A little voice within you kicked and screamed. The voice wanted you to win her back. But how?

Your plan came together as you walked home and passed the toyshop the other day. Out of the corner of your eye, you had spotted two of the most plump and soft penguins sitting on the top shelf at the back of the store. There was no hesitation. You grabbed them, scared to let go, put your money on the counter and rushed out the store. Within a few minutes, you had rushed up into your room panting and sweating. Carefully placing the plump penguins on your bed, you grabbed a pen and paper and began to scribble furiously.

_Dear San,_

_ I hope you're having the adventure of a lifetime wherever you are. I found the best things ever today San. I want you to meet Roy and Silo. Remember that book you read me once? The one where you looked like you were crying but you said it was just a hair in your eye? They're like that San! They're like you. They're boy penguins that love each other like Kurt and Blaine! Maybe Roy and Silo can be girl penguins like us right? Because I love you and you told me once you love me…_

_I Love You San,_

_BritBrit_

You had been so proud of yourself then. It seemed like you had the perfect plan and you were just so excited. Of course, you couldn't keep it in. You had to tell her when she called that night. Your voice was nearly cracking and you were jumping up and down inside. She didn't sound as excited as you were. She didn't want Roy and Silo. She didn't want things like you did. As you held the phone to your ear and you listened to her quivering voice, you looked away not wanting Lord Tubbington to see you shed tears.

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><p>"I have to go Brit. I'll talk to you later." And with a click she was gone. Suddenly it felt like the temperature had dropped by a million degrees and the ground quivered under you. You snuck under your covers as the thunder struck outside and the rain beat down hard against your window.<p>

You had the worst timing. Your heart ached every night as you counted down the days and nights until she would arrive back home. She stopped calling at night. You were scared she'd stop talking to you all in all. She didn't.

"I'm your friend. It doesn't work like that," she had told you as you confided in her one night when she was back. It wasn't the way you wanted it either.

Santana could not be your Roy and you could not be her Silo.

"You picked Artie, Brit. We're not. It's not like that anymore okay? We have to move on," she had said everyday.

So here you were watching the thunderstorm. It felt like the night when you realized you were but the past to the one you loved. You slept alone in between Roy and Silo with dreams of nothing but her. Maybe one day, you'd find a gift good enough to win her back. Maybe one day Brittany. Maybe one day you could be hers, proudly so.


End file.
